It's a Leap of Faith

I'm posting today to honor someone I love and miss very much.  I'd like to start by saying that I started writing this post on October 13, as I knew it would be an extremely difficult thing to put into words.  In my adult life, I have never attempted to write about her.  So that's my story.... and this is hers:

Renee was my best friend.  Slightly older, much more mature than I... she was my world.  The two of us would spend hours upon hours driving around in her red Cavalier pondering the meaning of life (or at least the meaning of life according to two teenage girls.)  Talking about friends, parties, boys, parents, and on the rare occasion, death.  Neither having guessed that it would be in that very car that my best friend would lose her life.

I cannot count the number of times I've pictured what life would be like for her now.  Would she be married? Would she have kids? Would we still drive around and ponder the meaning of life, only now according to two young woman.  Would we be talking about our husbands, or whether or not we were ready to have babies?  To lose a friend, a best friend, at any age is an unimaginable nightmare.  It still sometimes feels like a dream.  Did this really happen to me?  Did this really happen to her?

As goes with all unexpected "accidents," I never saw it coming.  However, I often find myself wondering: did she?  Did she have this feeling deep in her gut that things just weren't right?  I tend to lean towards yes.  On the night my best friend lost her life, she saved mine. I was angry because she wouldn't let me ride with her.  She wanted to get home and to bed, and I was upset because she wouldn't allow me to go along. Here's a few things I've always wanted to say, but never had the chance:

Renee,
One thing I never got to say: Thank you.  Thank you for telling me that I couldn't ride along.  Thank you for saving my life.  Thank you for bringing me a group of amazing people that have helped me cope with losing you.  Thank you for giving me Kaylan, and thank you for giving me my first "Big Love."  Thank you for being such an amazing person and friend.  For always telling me the way it is and for never being afraid of making me mad or hurting my feelings.  Thank you for being real.  Most of all, thank you for being you. I will never, ever stop thinking of you or stop thanking you.  I will always miss you.  It's been almost 9 years, and sometimes I still have to stop and catch my breath.  You will live on.... Through your parents. Through your brothers.  Through your niece.  Through your friends. Through me.

I will forever be grateful to have been a piece of your life.  I will forever be grateful for you. Happy Birthday Renee...

I love you,
Brandi